Give care today and be happy

Well, I mailed the Christmas for my family today (so if you are my family, be watching). I also delivered my sister-in-law's present last night, in the hospital. We don't know if she will ever make it home. She is going to a specialty hospital next week. Well since I have seemed to lost my job I think I will apply there. I worked there with a client this summer and it appears to be a nice, small hospital for recovering and such. My husband is doing allot better, his hand is healing and this week is party week. YEAH My Christmas, the parties. This is what I get for Christmas this year. Last Christmas I was at the kids helping out (I hope) This year I'm doing allot of sitting around. Oh the company I work for is looking for work for me, but, you know, an idle care giver is a non productive care giver. I think I will go back to school and become a barber. $5.00 a haircut. I wish I could get back to kids, I do miss caring for children, especially this time of year. I've got to do something. Any suggestions? Just send to this blog. Well, Merry Christmas no matter what the day brings you. Be happy, that's all we can really do for ourselves. Go out and care about someone today. Hold a door, give you spot in line to someone, give some treats to an old person. Love, that is what care givers do.

Ah, this too

I have just got home from work, it is late and quiet and I wax nostalgic. You see, I miss my kids. Not just now but a long time ago. I miss seeing them when they were small. Oh, they are great adults and parents, now, and I love them even more, but seeing them, small, seeing their dirty faces, having them in my home, heck, that is home. When I watch all the old Christmas shows, I think of my kids. When I go to the mall, yes, I think of shopping with and for my kids. I miss the joy that only children bring. You know what I mean? I'm with old people at work. I live with old people now. I am old now and I miss my kids. I try and pick up the babies at church, but we only have 6 in the hole primary. We only have 40 In our branch ( well the ones who come) Yes, tonight, as I sit alone in the quiet, I miss what my kids are dealing with now in their own life. See guys, it does change, gets better, improves, grows, well it does something.. Remember to enjoy today with all its warts because tomorrow it will be missed. I love you all and wish I could of been a better mother to you all. This, too, is care (giving)

Is it care giving or not?

I'm sorry,but I have to put this down, in writing. I need help, help with Christmas, Christmas stories on how people help others. You see, life hasn't always been easy and I have had challenges and so have my kids. There were two Christmases that my daughters and I were alone and kind of lost. No home, no tree, and no presents. No money and a job hard to find, I didn't have anyone from the church bring food, no presents given, not even a car ride to get to church. I'm hopeful that the girls don't have bad memories of this time, but I have nightmares about it every year. Yes, I feel sorry for myself, every Christmas, I just can't seem to get over it. Where were all these heaven sent aid in my time of need? There's more than Christmas, there were times in the hospital that I couldn't get any help. There is the time when after having surgery I was called to take a meal to someone who had a baby. After explaining that I just had surgery and couldn't help out at this time you would think that they would help me? No, because I didn't need a meal, I needed someone to vacuum my rug. Oh well, I'm being petty, but I just can't seem to let it go. I have to admit that I don't do allot of compassionate service because of how I feel. O.K. there is my self pity, my steam, Now I need to let it go, out in the universe. Let it go. Not my problem any more. Well, we will see. I want to let it go, really I do. Christmas is the time to think of others, not self. Give all that love and care even if I didn't get it in my time. Hopefully I won't be leaving this legacy with someone else. Reach out. Care for others. Do what ever you can. Love, Live, Laugh.

Have I lost my job?

I pulled myself out of the house to go to work, Sunday, to fill in a 7-7 shift at my sweet little 99 year old charge. It was a normal night of up and downs and was very tired when no one showed up at 7:am.n I contacted my agency to inform them and then the phone started ringing. It was one of the daughters, wondering why I was working, they had canceled the care for last night or so they thought. Then I got the call to leave the house and go into the office. The family has decided they wanted to try and take care of their mother them selves because it cost too much money for me. They wanted a older person to be steady and a companion for their mother but they didn't want to have to pay for it ,I guess. Well the agency is going to find work for me but I don't know who or when.
I thought I finally found a great job and now I'm back to step one. If it had been caused by illness or death I guess I could understand, maybe if this was a new process for the family I might of understood that also, but at this time of year and what they have asked for to think that maybe they would try again to care for their mother, themselves. I just don't know. Being a care giver is not always a secure position, but it is not easy either. Well I guess I will take this time to straighted up my own home and maybe decorate the house.( it hasn't been done in years)

It's worth the caring

Happy Thanksgiving. It has been a day, a day sleeping and staying home. Richard cooked our dinner, and that is something to be very thankful for. I have to go to work in 20 minutes, and I'm thankful for my job that is working out okay. It hasn't snowed, yet, and I am very, very thankful for that since I need snow tires put on. Richard's sister is out of I.C.U and that is something to be thankful for. Do you get the jest of this entry? I am thankful for all the blessing that my Father in Heaven has blessed me with, a thankful, grateful entry you could say. Caring for others make you realize how good you have it, at times. I love reading my family's blogs. I love keeping in touch with the family that is so far away. I went to a movie last week, A Christmas Carol, with Jim Carry. It was good but then I love the story. It needs to be a must this year, or at least a try. It's that time of year that we are reminded of out family and all the loved ones in our life. Though I am here in New York I still can be close to the family in Utah if I just imagine enough. ( maybe this year I'll get that Christmas Album cut) Let's all try to keep the conversation going okay? It's worth the caring.

still caring, just different

A new post, something to say, or just some communication sent out into the universe. Well I had to quit the nursing home, I wasn't forced or anything like that, I just couldn't take it anymore. ( and I got another job offer that was just to good to be true) Oh I still work over night, but this time I am working for only one person. A woman who is 99 and just needs a little help at night so she doesn't fall. She is continent but thinks she has to go to the bathroom every 15 min. Her daughters are going to be the problem. Yeah she has six daughters all nurses and all have their own ideas on how to "raise" their mother. One wants no television, the other wants her mother forced to sit ,with feet elevated, and wait at least an hour before going, Then there is the younger daughter, who live with her mother right now and is still working in an nursing home, who says to do any thing I want. This is going to be an interesting job. Oh as far as care giving is going, my husband had an accident at work and broke 2 fingers and 12 stitches, and now he thinks he has gout in it also. Got to take care of him. I think that is what he has wanted for a while. I'm going to miss all the people that have touched my life in this short time, I hope I have touched theirs for some good. Life just keeps on going and going and going........ that's the life of a caregiver

Who really needs the care

It's not always the job at hand, it's the people you have to work with, that makes it tough. Who did this and who does that, you know. I have that challenge going on as we speak. Who has been putting briefs into the laundry and who didn't change the dirty sheet on that resident. O f coarse it's not me, yes, that good old boy "not me" I thought I got rid of this pest on my last job. I guess we never really leave " not me" behind. You would think that grown ups could just do their job. That's all that I want to do, do my job. Can I really just let it go? Can I just do what I'm suppose to do? I hope so, but to be honest I would like to find a new job, again. I'm just tired, or am I always tired. Winter is coming and all I want to do is stay home. Well what I really want to do is to go home. I've said it I will say it again, I want to care for my family not strangers. So how is my family doing? what care do they need? Do they even need the care of their mother? Or do I need the care of my children? ah good question. Who really is need of the caring, the resident or the care giver?

Do you know me well enough

Some times people have to get to know you before they let you help them. I got to know Erma's family a little too well so I had to quit. Now I have a old couple, they're a little on the crazy side and won't let me do much, yet, I got to vacuum today, may be, some day they'll let me do my job, for them. The other night, the Home had me working on a different floor, some of the residents let me in and then some wouldn't. I've gotten use to the floor I work on but still, let me explain, I had a talk with Max, I told him he didn't have to be scared, and just let go. Two minutes latter he took his last breathe but Fran, who I just love, wouldn't let me in at all. She told me that I would suffer for my sins. Well I guess she is right but what does that have to do with here yelling out at night ( which was why I went into her room) May be she knows me too well. Now how does a care giver do their work if the people you're to help won't let you help them, and then what is the help they really need? Do they really need me to clean, of keep them dry or do they need me just to acknowledge their existence? Some times I feel I just need to know some one just wants me there. Oh the thoughts of a care giver

some time off?

I've had a couple of days off from the nursing home and have so much to do around the house, so here I am. It is sad, how some people live, or are forced to live. The lady I take care of lives so poorly, in such filth, that I can't handle it. I've turned the situation in, but the government take their time and I still go in every day. I have offered to help clean up, but the one doesn't want any help. I swear that they don't feed her more than when the aides are there. I have been advised not to touch anything and just keep notes on what I see, just in case it has to go to court. This is why I want to clean my owe home. I don't want any one seeing the mess I live in. Talking about how I love, we had a leek in our gas line and had to turn off the gas till we can lay new line down the field. No gas, no heat, stove, hot water ect. It's not that bad I just want you to know, life goes on.

Now What

Some times you wonder" is this really what I wanted to do?" I am officially a CNA now and working in the nursing home, I also have taken on an old lady with Alzheimer. Well I couldn't get her to bathe. Not that unusual I am a stranger but will I ever be able to get her to bathe? Am I really up to helping someone with Alzheimer? What do I really know about this disorder? I said good by to my handicapped job to do what? Yes, you could say that I'm a little scared but its more then that, it's different then scared, it's more "is this really what I want to do" I miss working with children, I miss playing, Is there a place for me? A place for a playing care giver? Now what? What other letters can I put behind my name "Vickie Smith CDA CNA"

The big day

Well tomorrow is the big day, the day I take my final test to be a CNA. I have a 98.4% for the class so far, but does that mean I can pass the BIG one, I don't know. I don't think I fear the written test as much as I fear the skills test. There is so much to remember. You have to do it just right ( not like you really do) I also have some good news I guess. Comfort Care the other company I work for called me and offered a positions at their group home. I have to go talk to them some time this week. I still have three jobs but it's looking better for cutting down to two. What can I say, I'm tired, worried, excited, concerned, and a bit proud. Well that is what I up too, how about you? So is the life of a care giver.

Another kind of caring

On this day off I have to reflex on what it is I do. I take care of people, not just anyone but the elderly. We all are getting older, me, well I have always been old, but we all are going to be here someday. That is one reason I am pursuing this line of work, but something happened that I am not quite sure how I feel about it. I have always wanted to die,(I've had alot of help wit it so don't worry) but to see death, to feel death, well I just don't know. May be I'm in some kind of shock or maybe I'm just heartless. A woman at the nursing home died Friday, 10 minutes after changing her and freshening her mouth. Now as an CNA we have to prepare the body for the family to come see. Looking at death, one minute you are there the next you are gone. I couldn't believe the difference in how they look. I'm working in a place were people come to die and I'm going to work third shift were it is most likely that I will see more death than the normal. Can I handle this? Am I capable to handle other's death. So personal, so private. Yes, I know, I take care of all their private needs but to die, to be there, kind of holding their hand, per say. I'm not sad for this person or her family, really, and is this wrong? And then Saturday, one of my client died also. I knew her, I took care of her, I took her places, enjoyed her company and now she is gone. Could I have taken care of her body? Could I've held her hand? I don't know. It sound funny that I haven't really handled death. I've written the obit. I have picked out coffins and headstones, I've done the arrangements but I haven't taken care of the person. I have always been at awed wit morticians, the love they have for people, I don't think that I am one of those kind of people, gentle, kind, loving. Well here I am, facing something entire ling different than I see myself. Can I do it? I just don't know yet. It's something more to think about.

Love the ones you're with

Well let's try it again, I wrote a beautiful blog and lost it in the editing. To bad I can't repeat that piece of prose. Of coarse I keep getting better at this, and then I loose it and can't recover it. The just of the subject was loving everyone I take care of and that I have to pick one to quit. Yes, I can't do it all. I can't work 3 jobs at a time. Go figure, I can't do my best when I strung out amid so many who need me. The class is going fine. I have a 97% so far, on the written and still hanging in there on the clinical. I test on the 14th and next week I mentor on the floor. I just don't know if I can handle going to work at 5:30 am working 6-2 and then going to work from 3-11. I don't know, I seem to need more sleep then I use too. And I still have to work my other job, but when? I love the ones I work with every where I work. I started a pro and con list but so far there just isn't clear choice. Who could know how much is needed by so few people. Now for those prose I bragged about, well I guess it wasn't as good as I thought. All I know is I miss my family and caring for those I love. Maybe, someday, all this will work out for the better. But until then.........Love the ones you're with, as the old song goes.

crying for caring

Well I can really say that I am going insane. I haven't been able to stop crying for two days now, and to make it worse I cried at staff meeting....You know how it so when you think that everyone hates you and out to get you,.....Oh that does sound insane. I guess it's because I;m tyring just a little too hard to do everything right......I even felt bad when I got a 94% on my last test......I wanted only 100% on all my test. Sometime I think I have bitten off more than I can chew. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up and I still love all those I care for...well...it's just that I can't seem to be able to do it all. Where is superwoman when you need her? What, I can't hold down two full time Jobs and a house hold and still get sleep? Who needs sleep? Oh yea I am 56 years old not 21, . Is it worth it? YES it is worth it, to care for those who cannot take care of them self, to brush their hair, to feed them, to make sure that they are comfortable, it's all worth it. On the blog spot "for my four" who can see and learn about the care of different people that will tear your heartstrings. So tomorrow is another day, I will get up and start again and hope people won't judge me too harshly for crying.

Just keep on caring

Here I am, writing and reading the blogs when I should be reading the next three chapters for class tomorrow and studying for the next test tomorrow morning, but I feel so out of touch. I need to be reading my kids blogs. I need to know what my family is doing . I need to be a part of their lives. Well class is going well, I got 2 100% and I missed 1 on the other test. I've also been working on the floor at the nursing home. I have already falling in love with a couple of the residents. How can you not fall in love with these poor old people ( oops I'm talking about myself) I just see it now, Me walking down the halls, with my cane, helping a resident to walk down to the dining room. I just hope that I can change my own briefs instead of needing someone to help me, it would be the blind leading the blind. Well my house is falling apart and the it needs a good cleaning, but it will have to wait till I finish classes. Well how is your care giving going. We are all in this together. Keep on caring.

Love the one your with

I am so tired, I can't believe it. How do others do this? I have worked 16 hour days for the last 5 days. I am going to be doing this for the next 4 weeks while I take the CNA class. I just hope that I can keep up. My husband has done the laundry and all of his own cooking ( poor guy) but it is nice to be supported in this new effort of mine. I guess I've changing my OCD to working. It could be worse ( and have been). I love taking care of my guys. They want to hold my hand when we watch t.v. and the one who can ,hugs me all the time. Of coarse the younger staff are having a problem with the way I care for these clients, they think I'm too soft,,mean, controlling, allowing too much, showing too much affection, not showing enough affection...... oh I think you get the picture. Some times the hardest part of being a caregiver is what everyone else feel about care giving. All I know is everyone needs to feel loved by someone so I feel since I can't show how much I love my family ( because we live so far apart) I'll show it to every one else. Reminds me of a song "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" I have been working in a specialty hospital that had a great stall, they let me know that they appreciated me being there and helping with the client. It's nice being apprecitated.

Good Newa

Hey, Some good news. I finally got a position back at Aspire. Not my old house but the other house I've worked in. If you don't know, Apire is a company that runs group homes foe the mentally retarded and cerebral palsy. This house has three men who are total care, feeding, bathing, dressing and so forth, and three girls all ambulatory. It is a relief to get back to a real position, no more 'on call'. And guess what! It looks like I will be starting CNA classes next week. With a CNA I can work in a rest home or a hospital. Oh well it will give me some more letters be hind my name. Vickie CDA CNA. All that means is that I can take care of anyone from age six weeks to one-hundred. I also quit my job at the convenient store, Yeah. Richard is doing so much better too. He's talking about selling the farm in a couple of years. Well all this and a piece of cake. Even caregivers have good news.

Another joins the ranks

Talked to my little sister, she is struggling with her new job description as caregiver. You ask her, she says she's a bank teller but now that she is the legal guardian of my big sister, well, she is finding it very difficult. I guess my big sister can't remember how to get dressed. She has tried to wear a blouse as a skirt, and she doesn't know in-side-out from right side. Leslie has said that RoLene gets angry when she is corrected. Leslie got a little break thou, RoLene went for a trip with a man she doesn't care for any more. But RoLene was bored and wanted to go home, though she doesn't know where that is. I can understand that feeling. It can be over whelming some times to be responsible for others lives.

A day off?

I don't have to work today, true, a day off. So what do I do, I get my car serviced, transplant some herbs and cry. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful here. Everything is green, there are clouds and muggy. The weeds are growing like...........well, like weeds. I look like I'm in a jungle, but I want to go home. I want to be with my kids.....So I sit here, on my day off, and cry. I want to take care of my own. I want someone to take care of me. I want to make a difference in my own family not with all these strangers. Do I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself? Well if I don't....who will? I miss my kids. I miss the mountains. I miss being loved. No there is nothing wrong, I'm just a little tired I guess. We all have days when we're just to tired to be brave and strong. So the question is......Who take care of the caregiver when they can't do any more? If I could I would take care of you when you need a day off. Yes I mean you...YOU.. reading this blog because I know that you too need a day off.

At the Hospital

well, where have I've been, you ask. First, my blog would not let me in to write, and second, I've been caregiving. Who you might ask, well my husband. We came back from Utah and Richard caught a summer cold or so we thought, He just could not kick it. He got sicker and could not breath well. It took me three days and a fever over 103 to get Richard to the Hospital. At 3:a.m. I drove him into Erie and to the best hospital it has to offer just to have him tell me he wanted to go to the VA hospital. I got him there and into the emergency room and after a little exam they said he had pneumonia. They tried to take a electrocardiogram and it just went crazy. I've never seen such a mess of squiggles in my life. The nurse thought it was the machine till the on call Doctor yelled " that is his heart beat" Now they had to lower the rate of speed, over 200 beats a minute and get it little bit more regular. After another hour they took him up to ICU. He had a good nurse there so I went home to call all of my jobs to quit the next couple of days work. I was called by Richard that they were moving him to another hospital because he needed a heart cath and someone to help with the pneumonia. I ran to the next hospital to see him where they just let him lie there for about 4 hours and until he had another heart attack. I ran to the best hospital in the area to check on my friend who went in that same night and to she Richards sister who was just put in for an infection in an amputated toe. Well Richard stayed in CCU another 10 days and had another heart attack, kidney failure, bleeding ulcer and blood in the lungs. Now don't worry, Richard came home on the fourth and went back to work on the sixth. I've been caring for another man in the same hospital as Richard was who is AP and keeps taking out the tubes. Some times you just have to laugh, just don't do it in front of the nurses in ICU or at a funeral home. Such is a day in a caregivers life.

Where I have been

Well, I finally got here. My computer wouldn't let me get on line. I have given up one of my clients for now, my husband is in the hospital. Now dont worry, he's doing pretty good. All the vital sign are back on line and the infection is breaking up. He made a joke to the nurse and yelled at me. He must be doing better. The poor nurses had a fit with him last night, he kept pulling out a suction tube and then he pulled out his I.V. He said they changed his bed twice last night. It is hard to care for a sick Richard, those poor nurses. So goes a day in a caregivers life.

The start to another day

Every day starts out the same, but today was added a new challenge. I can't talk. Yeah, I know allot of people are happy when these day hit, but, sometimes , it can cause some interesting challenges. I did allot of head nodding and whispering today. I had to listen, only, and not hold my side of the conversation. The day went by very quietly.
Now I also saw my daughter's blog, Now there is a caregivers challenge. Autism is an every day, 24/7 job that you don't get any recognition for doing well. I wish I could be some help. You know, caregiver to the caregiver. Keep up the good work. There can be joy in care giving.

Now that is enough whining

Well that is enough whining about my profession, at least I have a job, that's not bad now-a-days. No really, I do like what I am doing, you kinda get attached to the people you take care of. I think I just need to slow down on the working, that means I say "NO" once in a while. We went shopping today, it was fun then all my client wanted was to sit outside. It was a beautiful day, sunny, warm, a light breeze, and tomorrow there will be rain. Now how would that be, to only want to sit outside for awhile. The new item on the list is water aerobics, starting next Monday. Now this could be fun. There can be some perks in caregiving. Now I am doing some "home work" for my job. Reading some pages then taking a short test. When I finish all the units,and do well, I get a raise. Now that is nice. I love my job and that's no whining. So is the life of a care-giver.

Sunday, a day of rest?

I got some sleep on Sat. night, yeah and my husband make me go to church in the morning. So I went, I can sleep when I get home. To bad there is laundry to do and dishes to wash and the bathroom could use a little attention but it is Sunday. I got 4 hours of sleep in the afternoon and now it is night and guess where I am......well they need care throughout the night too. So I am at work doing the laundry for someone else and cleaning someone elses bathrooms and there are always dishes. Well there is Mon. Well at least I will, maybe, get 3 hours of sleep before I go and clean someone elses bathroom, dishes, and laundry, and visit teaching partner whats to know when I can go out to visit. Well that is the plight of a caregiver.

At work, Did I ever leave?

Yes, you've got that right, I'm back at work after 6 hours off. I get to cook dinner in a few minutes that entails cooking, letting clients help, setting the table, giving meds, and help feeding the ones who can't feed themselves. It reminds me of days gone by and I had 4 little ones at my feet. I miss those days but this is not the same. Just think, in another 6 hours I can go home for a few hours. I guess I can clean the house, do some laundry, vacuum, dishes and so forth. It's always the same for a professional caregiver.

The real caregiving begins

Well you always knew it would happen and today was the day. After pulling an all nighter I went to my sweet little lady for the day. We needed to go to the eye doctor but mother natures movement had not happened yet , for the day. You guessed it, on the way she had an accident in her pants. I got her into the bathroom at the medical center, parked the car, went hunting in the car for extra pants and found none. No gloves, no under garments. I ran to the pharmacy in the building, and using my own money bought some "depends" I asked if the pharmacist had any gloves and I was shown the box on the aisle. I ran up to the public restroom and started to try and clean up. The toilet, floor and my sweet little lady was covered. Grabbing a waste basket liner from the hall I filled it with ----------yuck. I mopped up and wiped up and we were only five minutes late. What a way to start the day. We now have supplies in the vehicle. Just another day in the care giving field.

To many hours not enough time

Hi all you wonderful caregivers out there. I'm at work (don't tell my boss). I have already put in 12 hours today and now am pulling an 8 hour overnight, just to do another 12 hours tomorrow and again an 8 hour overnight. It seems that there are too many people who need loving care and not enough to supply it. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to have the hours and the people I am caring for I already have learned to love them, sleep? who needs that. My husband came home from our trip to Utah and got sick. He is running a temp and loosing his voice so when I am at home I need to take care of him also.( by the way did I tell you we live on a small farm with animals) It's all in a days work for the "care giver" Now I just have to remember my rubber gloves, some food to eat and a few Depends.

back at work

Well we get off the plane and go to work, sell not quite that fast but so soon. My client was waiting for me to fix her breakfast and get her started for the day ( to bad I wasn't ready for the day) I got lucky today, the O.T. came in to shower and dress. The plumbing was in a mess and I had to work with the plumbers along with my client. Nothing much more than that. Kinda dull and boring, luckily I don't mind boring. Now I get to unpack and start the wash for myself. So is the day of a caregiver.

I've been visiting my children in Utah this weekend. It is great playing with all the grandchildren. I really don't want to go home tomorrow but I have a Client that needs someone there on Tue. When you take care of the elderly, you are depended on so much to be there. They don't like strangers showering them and stuff. It's not that much different from taking care of babies in a child care center (which I did for 20 years) So I now am leaving the people I love to take care of someone who needs me. What can you say?

Welcome!

Well here I finally am, my daughter has helped me get set up this blog sight. I want to welcome all who are care givers, or will be a care giver at some time in their life. Join with me in these daily challenges and share ideas on dealing with them.

Going insane isn't so bad and even better with friends.