Merry Christmas

Christmas is over and waiting for the new year. No work and nothing to do. It's nice to have a break and refresh your soul, too bad money always plays into it. I sat Christmas Eve with my charge, and it was okay. I will be sitting with him on New Years also. That is one thing you always have to remember, people still need care even over the holidays. I have worked the holidays for the last 5 years, my family is away and I have no one to be with anyway. Just like the song, if you can't be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with. I miss you all.

Death

People die as differently as they live. As I sit with people who have reached the end of their life I am in awe in the way they choose to go. We have the people who just wait for it to arrive, not trying to stop death or prolong their life and again you have the ones who fight it to the end. There is allot of different meds that dieing people can use to ease the anxiety and pain. ( yes, some have allot of pain) but some refuse to see that they are dieing and can make this transaction easier. I have sat with those who are just waiting and with those who are fighting. I hope when the time comes for me that I can just except the fact and go. That is also a way to shed this mortal life, just except it and go. I have sat with families that suffer in the same ways, some fight and some just except. Families that are prepared for the death seem to enjoy those last moments with their love ones. I'm not saying that I am dieing at this moment but I do think about it. What would I do if someone I loved was in those final moments. It's a thought I feel we all need to think on at least one time in our life. How will I die.

Another day

Well the last blog I put in was never printed or my e-mails that day. Must be the weather. I have been home for 10 days now. I have pneumonia and it's giving me a bad time. My o2 level was 90 and they put you in the hospital at 88 so here I am with oxygen and a nebulizer. Can't make money when you are sick, but I can't risk making my clients sick either. I am now doing hospice clients and the baby room in the days.(that's how I got sick, the babies) The care giver is in need of some care giving, but my only friend is in Utah and that's where I stand. I guess I should go out and make friends. You know, not just dieing people and new born babies. So that is another day in a care givers life.

Maybe I shouldn't be a caregiver

Well, I made it home. Lost my clutch in Indiana at 5:00 am, had to have a tow and all. Now I have to get it adjusted or something. I now am working at the day care in the 'waddler' room. Children 12 to 18 months old. It has been fun. I lost my little old man, they gave him a new caregiver, I don't know how that happened, but, I don't know, I just might quit that job. Some times I wonder if I am really cut out to be a care giver? Maybe I'm just getting too old. Maybe I could get a job at Wallmart, greeting. Oh, I want to say, I'm sorry, if I have hurt anyone out there. It wasn't intended. I wouldn't hurt anybody, on purpose. Please help me be a better person. Thanks

now i have some time

I have a moment by myself, I can let some steam off. I don't like the way my sister is treating my sister. I don't agree with what they want for her and I don't feel welcomed here any more. I can't seem to do anything right even though I know that it is right. I will not come back again and I feel sorry for RoLene. She will be put in a home, maybe by Nov. I t does not matter what she wants. They will do with her dog, and just get rid of her. I can't do anything about it either. I can't wait to go home now. I miss my family but I am useless to any of them. I am sorry that I feel this way, but what can I do?

I am using my sister's computer because mine doesn't want to work with wifi. I have been caring for my older sister who has Alzheimer's. She is so lost, most of the day and the sister she is living with has not make it easy on her. She spends too much time alone and unstimulated I've been studying autism and how to teach a child with autism. I feel that Alzheimer's is allot like autism, but backward. When I think of my grand daughter and my sister I see similarities. I wonder if the same therapies would help both? Well tomorrow I go looking for a assistance living for my sister. Wish .luck

I am here

Well here I am at Fiauna's, seeing the family before I go take care of my sister. Everything is going well. I've been just watching Keely. She is amazing, the growth in her is awesome. To take care of her is no problem, just a lot of work for her family. Now to take care of my own sister, I hope I can do something to help all concerned.

I can't believe it myself

You ask , what I can't believe, well they hired a new preschool teacher Friday and I was told Sunday night and I went to work on Monday and there she was. She is just out of school and has never taught preschool before. Well fool me once , shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me , but fool me a third time,after telling everyone at staff meeting that I am the preschool teacher, well I just don't believe it. Well , Richard thinks that just wanted me to get the lesson plans together and such, ha ha ha I'm not sharing them. I'm not good enough to have the job, my lessons aren't good enough ether. Now I'm the infant room teacher, thought it is going to close in Oct. The I guess it will be a break for me too) So, again, I'm looking for work. What can I say.

It's hot!

It's hot, it's humid and not a day to be sitting out side, but that is exactly what is expected from me. I have 10 little 4 and 5 year old to watch and they tell me we have to go outside after lunch so the bigger kids can eat and we aren't allowed to stay in the aer conditioning. I don't know, me sitting outside, in the sun, at 90 degrees. I melt. I break out in a sweat at 72 degrees. What do you do with 10 children any way? It's just too hot. I'm sure it's hot there with you too. When I was little and it was 100 degrees, with went inside to watch T.V. We played outside after dark in those days. In other daycare, we would sit and watch a movie during the hot times. I need to take care of these guys and we are not going out, in the heat, after lunch, so everyone else can sit in the cool. quietly. When it is hot it's hot.

HELP

Now I am going insane and maybe it will be best for me to do. I've been working with the daycare center, summer program, ages 4 to 11. New kids coming in every day. I just don't know what I suppose to do. These kids are wild, uncooperative, out of control and today I got in trouble be cause I touched a child's arm to direct him to sit down and I was in trouble. You can't touch the children at all. Now what am I to do with the children who don't listen to me and out of control. I'm not saying I hit him or even touched him in anger, I just took his arm and showed him the table. ( oh, now I remember why I got out of childcare) If this was a rule at my other job, there would be people all over the floor. I have to hold their arm. I tried so hard to have a nice day today also. We made bracelets, we played all morning. Yesterday we made cookies and watched a movie. I just can't get these kids to work with me. And then I touched a child's arm and I am in trouble. I give up.

Do you have an opinion?

So here is the low down, the girl they hired over me at the daycare center, got fired today. And guess what? They asked me to fill in for the summer. I just don't get what I am doing wrong or right, how ever you look at it. Now the in home care I do wants me to work 3 12 hour shifts in a row, all week end. Now what seems better? Days, 8 hours, with 3&4 year old or the 3 nights with the elderly? I could do both I guess but 76 hour weeks are a bit much I think. When it rains it pours. Decisions on top of decisions. Give me a yell out if you have an opinion.

No good deed goes unpunished

Things they are a changeing. I put my two week notice at the daycare and they would not take it. They want me to stay on as a relief person, I guess I can do that, maybe. I don't want to leave the kids, really. We'll have to see how it goes. Now for the home health? They gave me a great schedule, two 12 hour nights with my little old lawyer and two 8 hour nights at a beautiful group home for the elderly. Well it worked for 2 nights at least. You see, one of the residences wasn't feeling to well, up going to the bathroom every hour. He turned shocky and I could not find any information about his meds. I called the one I was to call and got no information. I called my new team leader(woke her up because it was around 2 am) got no help, then I called the person in charge of the homes. Well I got to take my first blood pressure and vitals, I gave a breathing treatment, he seem a little better but still was complaining. He got up again and promptly fainting in the bathroom. Its a small bath and two people don't fit. I was standing behind him. I grabbed from behind to keep him from slamming his head on the bathroom sink. I maneuvered his head between the wall and the sink, put my knees be hind his to get them to bend and tried hard for him to hit his head, hard, on the floor. I made him as comfortable as I could and called for help again and I wasn't taking no for an answer. It took two of us and a hoyer lift to get him up and in his chair. There were no pillows to give him. No blankets and no instructions. I took vitals again and they were good. Listened to his yelling for the next two hours and took care of the other resident and noticed my back had a twinge. I was told to write it up. I just finished my shift and went home (25 miles away) to sleep. Long story short, I had to go in and fill out new forms and see a doctor I got my prescription for muscle relaxers and got called again to take a drug test. I didn't get home till 4pm and was removed from the group homes. Oh well.

Never knowing when

So, my care job is mixing everyone up in hopes of giving people 40 weeks and insurance and with my luck I now have been cut to 12 hours. I always can do call offs but then I never know when I'm working. They took my little old man away and gave be back a lady I started with last year. It's hard to give good care if you don't know where you are going and when and these 12 hour shifts they want us to have is very hard. Now the day care center have really made it difficult. Now they don't tell me when I work either and they called when I was already at the other job. Just because I'm flexible I get screwed ( pardon my french (what ever that means)). I think about quitting when I get called to work with some sweet person who needs someone to help them, then I sucked back in. My heart just reaches out to the helpless. Hey, talking about helpless, I got a new cat. Just thought I would throw that in. Well that is the life of this caregiver.

Now I have to do others biddings

Another day, another few chosen words of wisdom from the carees. My little wards are all telling me how they like the other teacher so today I let them know that they have their wish and the other teacher is going to be your new teacher. Now they all puts their arms around me and tell me that they love me. Just you wait, she won't be that different from me, but they don't they don't know that. Rules are rules no matter who the teacher and the stress of keeping the bosses rules and the state rules will make any teacher a little.........grumpy......... Now for the little old guy I take care of, he likes me and he likes me better then some of his other care givers. Well I do talk to him and I give him back rubs and such. He likes that I answer his call bell fast. What else is there to do. He is the only one I care for, all night, I'm not sleeping. I guess some of the others go out and smoke, which I don't or maybe they are on the cell phone, which I'm not. I don't know, I don't know why they don't answer him right away. Well tonight I get to go to work, after I worked 7 hours with the kids. I've got to get just one job. Who ever comes up with 40 hours (or less) I will grab, there are good and bad with both jobs but I was allot happier before I went back into the childcare business. I don't know. I wish I could stay home and just take care of my love ones. But I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. Just always remember, Don't spend if it's not in your hand or you will have to do others bidding's.

I am loved

The caregiver had care given from everywhere. My husband as been trying to give a little extra to me, serving dinner to me and doing the dishes and my kids, well they all reached out through the internet and gave me the love I have been needing. Yes, I was getting burnt out but though the love of others my vessel has been filled again. Thank you. I miss you all. I miss your laughter and those long talks about everything. I miss the love that is felt when you all are gathered together. I will return to you again, please be patient with me. I have yet grown up as beautiful as all of you. There is more to caregiving then just keeping people safe and clean, there is a bonding love of one person caring for another. The actual touching of a person in a loving manner. And saying those three words that all must and need to hear, I Love You. Thank you to all who reach out and love someone, anyone, for any reason. True care giving comes from the heart. Reach out, I beg to all, before it is too late. Let people know that they are loved.

I'll be honest, I cry

My last page I wrote while I was feeling sorry myself and today it's because I am mad at myself. I wanted to approach my boss with the question "What is my job here" but instead I got called in to a 2 hour meeting about me and my ability to stop crying when approached. I almost lost my job because of this one little quirk I have. Yes, I cry. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm mad and I cry when I'm frustrated. I cry just sitting by myself. I've gotten in trouble from this little affliction, but I don't cry in front of the children or clients, only in front of my bosses.( they don't seem to like it) What can I do about this problem? It is not appropriate to cry when you are a care giver. You are not allowed to be a person. A person with problems. A person who has flaws. A person who cannot control themselves. I don't blame my boss, I hate it too. I wish I could stop. Maybe this is where the caregiver needs a little care receiving, but alas here I am. I'm sorry if my tears are offences to you. I'm sorry that I can't control my own feelings. May be I'm sorry that I am me. The crier. The pitiful, the caregiver.

Not a very good caregiver after all

Well here I am again, in a new dilemma that seems so old to me. As I am taking care of others I'm not taking care of the ones I love, my family. My own family has had to face tragedy with out their mother because I am so far away. I have let the people I love the most, down, again. My son is in a hospital, fighting for his life. His wife and children are their with out a grandma to help . My little sister is taking care of her older sister with Alzheimer's with out any family to support her. My daughter takes care of her handy capped daughter and everyone else with out a mother to support her. Why am I here in New York? Why don't I leave? Oh yeah that's right I am married to a man who wants to be here. Nothing I do is going to be well with whom ever I leave behind. Do I leave a job that is making me miserable, or stick it out for the money. And where do I get the money to drive across country to be where I should be? I am sorry Benj and Amie, that you don't know me and feel comfortable with my help. I sorry that I haven't been any help to all of you. For give a foolish old lady who never learned from her mistakes. Who keeps making the same mistakes over and over. This caregiver isn't much of a caregiver at all. Now what?

That's my job

Well, I did it again. Why can't I ever learn from my past mistakes. Yes, I got in trouble over how I treat the children in my care. ( I remember why I got out of this line of care giving) I do not have the patience I use to have and I lost it. No I didn't hurt or harm anyone I just grabbed a sweatshirt and slammed my hand on the table, but they called me on it. Well now I don't have to worry about discipline, I'm not allowed to stop a child from doing things wrong. Oh I was upset, but more with myself that I lost it for a minute. Now for the elderly that I take care of, He likes me rubbing lotion on him so all night long he calls me into his room and wants lotion on different parts of his body. He admits that he likes it. Oh he is 92 and if I giving him back rubs with lotion makes him happy what should care. That is the role of care giving for all ages, making them feel loved and care for. That's my job. Care giver.

The life of a care giver

Hey, I'm awake, but I wish I wasn't. No I haven't been working that much I'm just discouraged at my daycare job. I have never had the problem I'm facing now and I don't know what to do. I've asked for help from the families and my boss and all I got was more trouble. How do you get kids to be quiet through nap? If I rub backs I ended getting kicked and hit when I quit. I've tried bribes, but the kids don't seem to care and the threat of parents has got me nowhere. Now my boss wants me to get the kids to rest 30 minutes then they can get up and watch 30 minutes of a video. If the ones don't rest they don't get to watch and I have to watch the ones that are up and the ones that can't get up yet plus not disturbing the other class in the same room. I just don't see the logic in this, especially the fact that nap is 2 hours long and this idea only last 1 hour. Maybe I should of stayed out of daycare, there was a reason I quit 3 years ago. I just don't have the patience as I should have. I'm so discouraged. I want to retire and just work at all the stuff here in the house. I want someone to take care of me. Oh, that's just tired speaking. You understand. That is the life of a care giver.

fruit salad

Have you heard the old saying " ya gotta make hay while the sun shine" or " when it rains it pours" Well that is what is happening to me. I've been working 9 to 10 hours at the day care and now I have been doing 6 to 12 hours over nights with dieing people. I have worked from Tue. 8:30 am to 6p.m. 7pm to 7 am and 8am to 6 pm Wed. Yep, and now I'm writing you. I can't fall to sleep. I should of worked tonight like they wanted, but I couldn't see myself with the kids tomorrow with three days of no sleep. Richard says I get 'cranky' when I''m tired. He's right but now I don't feel sleepy. I will have so much trouble getting up tomorrow, I know. Well I'm trying my hand at teaching preschool and kindergarten preparedness. If I remember correctly, that was how I started day care. It is a challenge, these kids have no respect for adults and have no discipline. It doesn't help that the owner is a tad OCD about how everything looks. She wants all the toys to be put away at all times. She also does not want any copies being made for the kids to color or worksheets. But compared to staying up all night with someone who is dieing, well it's apples and oranges and right now I don't feel like fruit salad.

At least I have a job

Did I say everything was going well? I was sent to a new client last week, It went well but they don't need me the next two weeks. So I was sent back to my old client that I was doing so well with, but only for this week end. At the day care I finally asked what my status was ( since they gave the full time in the baby room to someone new) Well I guess I am just a part time person to bounce around when ever they need me too. Now here is my day now, I get up in the morning and take care of the infants that come early, I feed them, diaper them, play with them and put them down for a morning nap, and the other teacher comes in, I am sent home just to come back in the after noon to get up and snack the 4 and 5 years old, than I wait for the school kids yes about 10 of them where I am to keep them in control till they are picked up by their parents when I get to clean the childcare center. Now if that is not enough I go home to take care of my things, cleaning, laundry and such and than on Friday I go to my other job where I clean and care for a woman who is 90. I get here dressed, help to the toilet and so on. What I life, at least I have a job?

A good week????

Still working two jobs and starting to get into it. Yeah, for the time being, it seems to be working out. Oh I just jinxed it. ( I guess that is how you spell it) I never want to say something positive or every thing will go bad. No I'm not superstitious, it's just a fact about my life. The daycare seems to be falling into line and the caring thing is still there. My D.A. guy is getting stronger and remembering who I am so it's aint so bad. What can I say, I'm having a good week. Lucky me. I hope you are too, ya know. Now if only it would stop snowing.

Nothing By Mouth

Hey, I'm here. When it rains, it pours. Now I'm working two jobs again. I work at the daycare,but not full time like I should and I am working at my gentleman's house, but it is 12 hour shifts. So my schedule looks like this.......... Mon. 10a till 2p, Tue 2p-6p Wed. 2p-6p 7p-7a., Thur. 2p-6p 7p-7a Fri. 2p-6p 7p-7a , and so forth. I can't quit one till one starts giving me enough hours so for the time being I am working and giving up sleep for Lent. I've been told that is how it works in the caring business because you never know what is going to happen with clients. Patients die or move n to nursing homes and children come and go with schools and parents employment. Do I need to move on? Then where do I go all I know is care giving of some sort or the other. Let me tell you about Will. The x district attorney, 92, quad bypass, pacemaker, stroke and now a feeding tube. He loves to ring his bell to get your attention then ask stupid questions. He likes to try and go to the bathroom every 15 min. We do have him out of the wheel chair but we have to unhook the feeding tube or walk with it. He really misses his nightly Manhattan and wants us give a drink even though he is NBM. well that is how it is when you work in the care giving arena.

I'm not getting the message

Am I missing something or what? Well the daycare thing is in limbo at this time, waiting for clearances they say, I've passed them already 3 times. And guess what? I started a new client and after my first night, he went back to the hospital. I'm starting to think I'm missing some important message or something. Should I be in the caring profession? Where would I go if I were to leave? I'm good in factory work but there are no factories working around here right now. I would like to try my "hand" at radio, you know those late night chicks who sound so sexy. I wonder where I could find one of those jobs? I would love to run a store of chichiest, but I don't want to own it. I just don't know. I would go to the churches employment specialist but that's me in my branch. Funny, I seem to be the only one looking for work in my branch. So I send it out to the universe (or to you who read my blog) What should I try? Where should I go?

Daycare?

You say," now what?" but i guess it is good news. I ran into another care giver, for a couple I help with, who also works a daycare so I ask ,"where?" She gives me the phone number and location, I call and get an appointment to interview, I interview and am hired. Well as soon as all the clearance go through again I will work the closing, part time. So I guess I have a new job, but I'm not going to hold my breath. You see, the other company I work for have given me another full time position that has fallen through before I even got there and they promise that they are working on another one as we speak. I guess I'm just going to play by ear.
More news in church too. They released the branch president and starting next Sunday we will be having a short time president( till he moves in June) We are down to 5 active elders in our branch. We have 25 members coming on average and that is counting the children. Don't know how long this branch will stay active.
It is cold and snowing as it has been doing since Christmas and there seems to be no relief in sight. I can watch the ice flow on the lake and can see it all running to the falls. We have a total of 53 in. of snow and the drifts are even bigger. The woolly worm said it would be a late, hard, long winter and woolly worm has never lied to me. The older I get the more I hate winter. I hope you all are having fun in it.
All is well and we just keep going on. Don't look back and don't look to far forward. Enjoy today for what it offers and never want.

just disjointed thoughts

HAPPY NEW YEAR. I never thought I would ever see 2010. Boy, time does fly. I still don't have full time work, but I am working . You have to counts the haves instead of the have nots. With Richards sister in the hospital Christmas just kindof passed. We did go to our daughters home Christmas evening and enjoyed the company of strangers. I worked part of New Year's eve so Richard stayed up with me to see the new year come in. It is cold and they canceled church again so I sit around the house.( yes, I'm that big. ha ha) There is so much to do, but I just can't bring myself to do any of it. This is just rambling on. Disjointed thoughts and expressions. That is how my brain has been working these days. Something is missing. I can't just tell you what, just that nothing is working as it should. Maybe it is the lack of sun shine or warmth of any kind. Maybe just the after the holiday blahs, who knows. Well tomorrow is a new day, in a new year. I'll pull it all together, tomorrow. There is always a tomorrow.