Not a very good caregiver after all

Well here I am again, in a new dilemma that seems so old to me. As I am taking care of others I'm not taking care of the ones I love, my family. My own family has had to face tragedy with out their mother because I am so far away. I have let the people I love the most, down, again. My son is in a hospital, fighting for his life. His wife and children are their with out a grandma to help . My little sister is taking care of her older sister with Alzheimer's with out any family to support her. My daughter takes care of her handy capped daughter and everyone else with out a mother to support her. Why am I here in New York? Why don't I leave? Oh yeah that's right I am married to a man who wants to be here. Nothing I do is going to be well with whom ever I leave behind. Do I leave a job that is making me miserable, or stick it out for the money. And where do I get the money to drive across country to be where I should be? I am sorry Benj and Amie, that you don't know me and feel comfortable with my help. I sorry that I haven't been any help to all of you. For give a foolish old lady who never learned from her mistakes. Who keeps making the same mistakes over and over. This caregiver isn't much of a caregiver at all. Now what?