Never knowing when

So, my care job is mixing everyone up in hopes of giving people 40 weeks and insurance and with my luck I now have been cut to 12 hours. I always can do call offs but then I never know when I'm working. They took my little old man away and gave be back a lady I started with last year. It's hard to give good care if you don't know where you are going and when and these 12 hour shifts they want us to have is very hard. Now the day care center have really made it difficult. Now they don't tell me when I work either and they called when I was already at the other job. Just because I'm flexible I get screwed ( pardon my french (what ever that means)). I think about quitting when I get called to work with some sweet person who needs someone to help them, then I sucked back in. My heart just reaches out to the helpless. Hey, talking about helpless, I got a new cat. Just thought I would throw that in. Well that is the life of this caregiver.

Now I have to do others biddings

Another day, another few chosen words of wisdom from the carees. My little wards are all telling me how they like the other teacher so today I let them know that they have their wish and the other teacher is going to be your new teacher. Now they all puts their arms around me and tell me that they love me. Just you wait, she won't be that different from me, but they don't they don't know that. Rules are rules no matter who the teacher and the stress of keeping the bosses rules and the state rules will make any teacher a little.........grumpy......... Now for the little old guy I take care of, he likes me and he likes me better then some of his other care givers. Well I do talk to him and I give him back rubs and such. He likes that I answer his call bell fast. What else is there to do. He is the only one I care for, all night, I'm not sleeping. I guess some of the others go out and smoke, which I don't or maybe they are on the cell phone, which I'm not. I don't know, I don't know why they don't answer him right away. Well tonight I get to go to work, after I worked 7 hours with the kids. I've got to get just one job. Who ever comes up with 40 hours (or less) I will grab, there are good and bad with both jobs but I was allot happier before I went back into the childcare business. I don't know. I wish I could stay home and just take care of my love ones. But I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. Just always remember, Don't spend if it's not in your hand or you will have to do others bidding's.

I am loved

The caregiver had care given from everywhere. My husband as been trying to give a little extra to me, serving dinner to me and doing the dishes and my kids, well they all reached out through the internet and gave me the love I have been needing. Yes, I was getting burnt out but though the love of others my vessel has been filled again. Thank you. I miss you all. I miss your laughter and those long talks about everything. I miss the love that is felt when you all are gathered together. I will return to you again, please be patient with me. I have yet grown up as beautiful as all of you. There is more to caregiving then just keeping people safe and clean, there is a bonding love of one person caring for another. The actual touching of a person in a loving manner. And saying those three words that all must and need to hear, I Love You. Thank you to all who reach out and love someone, anyone, for any reason. True care giving comes from the heart. Reach out, I beg to all, before it is too late. Let people know that they are loved.

I'll be honest, I cry

My last page I wrote while I was feeling sorry myself and today it's because I am mad at myself. I wanted to approach my boss with the question "What is my job here" but instead I got called in to a 2 hour meeting about me and my ability to stop crying when approached. I almost lost my job because of this one little quirk I have. Yes, I cry. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm mad and I cry when I'm frustrated. I cry just sitting by myself. I've gotten in trouble from this little affliction, but I don't cry in front of the children or clients, only in front of my bosses.( they don't seem to like it) What can I do about this problem? It is not appropriate to cry when you are a care giver. You are not allowed to be a person. A person with problems. A person who has flaws. A person who cannot control themselves. I don't blame my boss, I hate it too. I wish I could stop. Maybe this is where the caregiver needs a little care receiving, but alas here I am. I'm sorry if my tears are offences to you. I'm sorry that I can't control my own feelings. May be I'm sorry that I am me. The crier. The pitiful, the caregiver.

Not a very good caregiver after all

Well here I am again, in a new dilemma that seems so old to me. As I am taking care of others I'm not taking care of the ones I love, my family. My own family has had to face tragedy with out their mother because I am so far away. I have let the people I love the most, down, again. My son is in a hospital, fighting for his life. His wife and children are their with out a grandma to help . My little sister is taking care of her older sister with Alzheimer's with out any family to support her. My daughter takes care of her handy capped daughter and everyone else with out a mother to support her. Why am I here in New York? Why don't I leave? Oh yeah that's right I am married to a man who wants to be here. Nothing I do is going to be well with whom ever I leave behind. Do I leave a job that is making me miserable, or stick it out for the money. And where do I get the money to drive across country to be where I should be? I am sorry Benj and Amie, that you don't know me and feel comfortable with my help. I sorry that I haven't been any help to all of you. For give a foolish old lady who never learned from her mistakes. Who keeps making the same mistakes over and over. This caregiver isn't much of a caregiver at all. Now what?

That's my job

Well, I did it again. Why can't I ever learn from my past mistakes. Yes, I got in trouble over how I treat the children in my care. ( I remember why I got out of this line of care giving) I do not have the patience I use to have and I lost it. No I didn't hurt or harm anyone I just grabbed a sweatshirt and slammed my hand on the table, but they called me on it. Well now I don't have to worry about discipline, I'm not allowed to stop a child from doing things wrong. Oh I was upset, but more with myself that I lost it for a minute. Now for the elderly that I take care of, He likes me rubbing lotion on him so all night long he calls me into his room and wants lotion on different parts of his body. He admits that he likes it. Oh he is 92 and if I giving him back rubs with lotion makes him happy what should care. That is the role of care giving for all ages, making them feel loved and care for. That's my job. Care giver.

The life of a care giver

Hey, I'm awake, but I wish I wasn't. No I haven't been working that much I'm just discouraged at my daycare job. I have never had the problem I'm facing now and I don't know what to do. I've asked for help from the families and my boss and all I got was more trouble. How do you get kids to be quiet through nap? If I rub backs I ended getting kicked and hit when I quit. I've tried bribes, but the kids don't seem to care and the threat of parents has got me nowhere. Now my boss wants me to get the kids to rest 30 minutes then they can get up and watch 30 minutes of a video. If the ones don't rest they don't get to watch and I have to watch the ones that are up and the ones that can't get up yet plus not disturbing the other class in the same room. I just don't see the logic in this, especially the fact that nap is 2 hours long and this idea only last 1 hour. Maybe I should of stayed out of daycare, there was a reason I quit 3 years ago. I just don't have the patience as I should have. I'm so discouraged. I want to retire and just work at all the stuff here in the house. I want someone to take care of me. Oh, that's just tired speaking. You understand. That is the life of a care giver.