Who really needs the care

It's not always the job at hand, it's the people you have to work with, that makes it tough. Who did this and who does that, you know. I have that challenge going on as we speak. Who has been putting briefs into the laundry and who didn't change the dirty sheet on that resident. O f coarse it's not me, yes, that good old boy "not me" I thought I got rid of this pest on my last job. I guess we never really leave " not me" behind. You would think that grown ups could just do their job. That's all that I want to do, do my job. Can I really just let it go? Can I just do what I'm suppose to do? I hope so, but to be honest I would like to find a new job, again. I'm just tired, or am I always tired. Winter is coming and all I want to do is stay home. Well what I really want to do is to go home. I've said it I will say it again, I want to care for my family not strangers. So how is my family doing? what care do they need? Do they even need the care of their mother? Or do I need the care of my children? ah good question. Who really is need of the caring, the resident or the care giver?

Do you know me well enough

Some times people have to get to know you before they let you help them. I got to know Erma's family a little too well so I had to quit. Now I have a old couple, they're a little on the crazy side and won't let me do much, yet, I got to vacuum today, may be, some day they'll let me do my job, for them. The other night, the Home had me working on a different floor, some of the residents let me in and then some wouldn't. I've gotten use to the floor I work on but still, let me explain, I had a talk with Max, I told him he didn't have to be scared, and just let go. Two minutes latter he took his last breathe but Fran, who I just love, wouldn't let me in at all. She told me that I would suffer for my sins. Well I guess she is right but what does that have to do with here yelling out at night ( which was why I went into her room) May be she knows me too well. Now how does a care giver do their work if the people you're to help won't let you help them, and then what is the help they really need? Do they really need me to clean, of keep them dry or do they need me just to acknowledge their existence? Some times I feel I just need to know some one just wants me there. Oh the thoughts of a care giver

some time off?

I've had a couple of days off from the nursing home and have so much to do around the house, so here I am. It is sad, how some people live, or are forced to live. The lady I take care of lives so poorly, in such filth, that I can't handle it. I've turned the situation in, but the government take their time and I still go in every day. I have offered to help clean up, but the one doesn't want any help. I swear that they don't feed her more than when the aides are there. I have been advised not to touch anything and just keep notes on what I see, just in case it has to go to court. This is why I want to clean my owe home. I don't want any one seeing the mess I live in. Talking about how I love, we had a leek in our gas line and had to turn off the gas till we can lay new line down the field. No gas, no heat, stove, hot water ect. It's not that bad I just want you to know, life goes on.

Now What

Some times you wonder" is this really what I wanted to do?" I am officially a CNA now and working in the nursing home, I also have taken on an old lady with Alzheimer. Well I couldn't get her to bathe. Not that unusual I am a stranger but will I ever be able to get her to bathe? Am I really up to helping someone with Alzheimer? What do I really know about this disorder? I said good by to my handicapped job to do what? Yes, you could say that I'm a little scared but its more then that, it's different then scared, it's more "is this really what I want to do" I miss working with children, I miss playing, Is there a place for me? A place for a playing care giver? Now what? What other letters can I put behind my name "Vickie Smith CDA CNA"

The big day

Well tomorrow is the big day, the day I take my final test to be a CNA. I have a 98.4% for the class so far, but does that mean I can pass the BIG one, I don't know. I don't think I fear the written test as much as I fear the skills test. There is so much to remember. You have to do it just right ( not like you really do) I also have some good news I guess. Comfort Care the other company I work for called me and offered a positions at their group home. I have to go talk to them some time this week. I still have three jobs but it's looking better for cutting down to two. What can I say, I'm tired, worried, excited, concerned, and a bit proud. Well that is what I up too, how about you? So is the life of a care giver.

Another kind of caring

On this day off I have to reflex on what it is I do. I take care of people, not just anyone but the elderly. We all are getting older, me, well I have always been old, but we all are going to be here someday. That is one reason I am pursuing this line of work, but something happened that I am not quite sure how I feel about it. I have always wanted to die,(I've had alot of help wit it so don't worry) but to see death, to feel death, well I just don't know. May be I'm in some kind of shock or maybe I'm just heartless. A woman at the nursing home died Friday, 10 minutes after changing her and freshening her mouth. Now as an CNA we have to prepare the body for the family to come see. Looking at death, one minute you are there the next you are gone. I couldn't believe the difference in how they look. I'm working in a place were people come to die and I'm going to work third shift were it is most likely that I will see more death than the normal. Can I handle this? Am I capable to handle other's death. So personal, so private. Yes, I know, I take care of all their private needs but to die, to be there, kind of holding their hand, per say. I'm not sad for this person or her family, really, and is this wrong? And then Saturday, one of my client died also. I knew her, I took care of her, I took her places, enjoyed her company and now she is gone. Could I have taken care of her body? Could I've held her hand? I don't know. It sound funny that I haven't really handled death. I've written the obit. I have picked out coffins and headstones, I've done the arrangements but I haven't taken care of the person. I have always been at awed wit morticians, the love they have for people, I don't think that I am one of those kind of people, gentle, kind, loving. Well here I am, facing something entire ling different than I see myself. Can I do it? I just don't know yet. It's something more to think about.

Love the ones you're with

Well let's try it again, I wrote a beautiful blog and lost it in the editing. To bad I can't repeat that piece of prose. Of coarse I keep getting better at this, and then I loose it and can't recover it. The just of the subject was loving everyone I take care of and that I have to pick one to quit. Yes, I can't do it all. I can't work 3 jobs at a time. Go figure, I can't do my best when I strung out amid so many who need me. The class is going fine. I have a 97% so far, on the written and still hanging in there on the clinical. I test on the 14th and next week I mentor on the floor. I just don't know if I can handle going to work at 5:30 am working 6-2 and then going to work from 3-11. I don't know, I seem to need more sleep then I use too. And I still have to work my other job, but when? I love the ones I work with every where I work. I started a pro and con list but so far there just isn't clear choice. Who could know how much is needed by so few people. Now for those prose I bragged about, well I guess it wasn't as good as I thought. All I know is I miss my family and caring for those I love. Maybe, someday, all this will work out for the better. But until then.........Love the ones you're with, as the old song goes.