Just rambleing

Have you ever have one of THOSES days? Spilled red jello, out of the fridge, got my white shirt, lost my therapist, broke dishes, and it's only noon. I have these days almost everyday. It's not Murphy's Law as much as Vickie's life. If it can go wrong, it will and it will happen to me.
Oh, if I were a poet, so I could write what I feel. Make a picture for you, with my word. Oh, if I were an artist and could paint the sights I see. If I were a singer, I could sing out the love in my heart. If I could express how I feel. I have made so many mistakes to get me here, where I am. I have made choices that hurt all the ones I love. If I were a mathematician or scientist so I could go back in time so the damage wasn't done. Like the song goes,' small things, likes reasons, are put in a jar. What ever happened to wish on a stat. Was it just something that I made up for fun?' I am sorry for all I have done to you. Even I am not my best friend. You could say that I am a friend to none.

Blink and change the picture

Things change so fast you just blink and it is new picture.
Now it has been 5 weeks of being unemployed, I really don't miss it. I have no idea where I'm going to end up. Will I still be taking care of people, young or old? Should I even try to stay in the same area? Do I need the pain and disappointment of the same old thing?
So the problem smelts down to..... I talk too much. I'm too personal...... yeah, that's me. Now how do I stop being me? I don't know if I want to go back to that. I'm not sooo bad, I could tone it down I'm sure. I have always told myself to "shut up" but self talk just makes me sad.
I go to an employment thingy tomorrow, maybe they can lead me to where I should be.
Well I had some surgery on my face on Friday. I've been bleeding down into my eye and I just look gorgeous. Now I need a good story for the scare. I like the one that I'm so in love with Harry Potter that I joined the 'lighting scare' club. Maybe , I missed when I was plucking my eyebrows. I'll just have to grow bangs again to cover it up. No biggy.

Not much different

I don't know who reads my blog, my son says that he does, but I wonder what I can and cannot really say. I know that I have made mistakes in my life, and who hasn't. There have been people hurt along the way. I have been one of those hurt by my choices. I have not tried to hurt anyone, I have not intensionlly set out to hurt any one. I have been accused of hurting someone and have not been givern the oppertunity to know who is accuseing me or to explain what I think what has been misunderstood.
I don't think I can fill out another application for employment. I can't answer all the questions. I'm going to need time off in a couple of monthes and I can't explain that either. What to do?
My husband is going to be having open heart surgery this summer and I don't think he understands what is going to happen. He has never been sick enough to need rehab and this time he will. The doctor put me in charge of watching him till the surgery and not letting him over do it. Sure, like I can do anything to stop him except do the work myself.
Now my husband has also taken over all my bills and my checking account. He has me right were he likes me, under his thumb. So here I stand. In the middle of nowhere with no way out.
Doing stuff I don't want to do so someone else will be happy and taken care of. No much is different from my former jobs.

You choose

For the first time in my life, I was fired. I have been asked to leave, I have been not scheduled but this time I was fired. It was a bunch of lies, but they didn't even let me say anything. Talk about going insane. I really don't know what to do. I don't think I take filling out applications and do I really want to stay in the caring field? Who wants to hire an old lady any way? I can't stand all day on my feet and I can't bend and stoop. Yes, I''m a little depressed and very scared. So what do you think, Quickly going insane or Finally there?

I've lost something

Have you ever lost a day? I seem to have lost yesterday. Do you know where it went? While you are looking for me see if you could find my life? I don't remember getting this old. In my mind's eye I'm still 35 and I don't know where that went. No one ever tells you about getting older, they make a lot of jokes and have surgery to keep from ageing, but they don't tell you about loosing your time. We live every day and do our jobs. Being busy and all that, time just passes by. Before you know it, it's tomorrow. What are you going to do?

Thanks

What can I say, I just got fired from my job caring for the elderly. They couldn't tell me any more than that they had heard disturbing things about me and that they had no time to talk to me till Monday. I know what I did wrong, I do it all the time, and never seem to learn, I talked. I talked about myself. I share information of my life that fits into the lives of the people I take care of. Why don't I ever learn from this repeated mistake? Some times I wish that I had no voice, I couldn't talk so I wouldn't get in trouble. Now my husband in angry at me. I don't know where to go from here. I have worked in the caring business for 38 years. Who is going to want to hire me? Do you ever get the feeling that no matter how hard you try you're just not going to make it? I guess I finally made it. Need to change the name of this blog to : I am insane. It is said that if you keep repeating the same experiment and expect a different out come that you clearly are in the wrong. I'm always am in the wrong, You could say that every thing I do is wrong. So, if I have wronged any of you out there, I am extremely sorry, and it wasn't on purpose. Thanks for being a follower.

Why do I try

Well maybe I have finally gone. I love the little ladies I care for but I think I blew it. I have to drive 30 miles to get to this house I work at and at this time it is just too far to go so I called in to have my work place changed. I'll bet I won't work next week. I have been working where ever they send me and so they didn't give me the position I asked for, being nice and willing to help out has gotten me where I don't want to be, but it's a job, right? Why do people like to walk all over me? They gave the position that I have been waiting for, to someone totally new to the company, because they all ready had me in a slot. Some time I feel that the more I give, the more I lose. Well, I wanted to get out of the business of caring. Maybe this time I will have too.