Love the ones you're with

Well let's try it again, I wrote a beautiful blog and lost it in the editing. To bad I can't repeat that piece of prose. Of coarse I keep getting better at this, and then I loose it and can't recover it. The just of the subject was loving everyone I take care of and that I have to pick one to quit. Yes, I can't do it all. I can't work 3 jobs at a time. Go figure, I can't do my best when I strung out amid so many who need me. The class is going fine. I have a 97% so far, on the written and still hanging in there on the clinical. I test on the 14th and next week I mentor on the floor. I just don't know if I can handle going to work at 5:30 am working 6-2 and then going to work from 3-11. I don't know, I seem to need more sleep then I use too. And I still have to work my other job, but when? I love the ones I work with every where I work. I started a pro and con list but so far there just isn't clear choice. Who could know how much is needed by so few people. Now for those prose I bragged about, well I guess it wasn't as good as I thought. All I know is I miss my family and caring for those I love. Maybe, someday, all this will work out for the better. But until then.........Love the ones you're with, as the old song goes.

crying for caring

Well I can really say that I am going insane. I haven't been able to stop crying for two days now, and to make it worse I cried at staff meeting....You know how it so when you think that everyone hates you and out to get you,.....Oh that does sound insane. I guess it's because I;m tyring just a little too hard to do everything right......I even felt bad when I got a 94% on my last test......I wanted only 100% on all my test. Sometime I think I have bitten off more than I can chew. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up and I still love all those I care for...well...it's just that I can't seem to be able to do it all. Where is superwoman when you need her? What, I can't hold down two full time Jobs and a house hold and still get sleep? Who needs sleep? Oh yea I am 56 years old not 21, . Is it worth it? YES it is worth it, to care for those who cannot take care of them self, to brush their hair, to feed them, to make sure that they are comfortable, it's all worth it. On the blog spot "for my four" who can see and learn about the care of different people that will tear your heartstrings. So tomorrow is another day, I will get up and start again and hope people won't judge me too harshly for crying.

Just keep on caring

Here I am, writing and reading the blogs when I should be reading the next three chapters for class tomorrow and studying for the next test tomorrow morning, but I feel so out of touch. I need to be reading my kids blogs. I need to know what my family is doing . I need to be a part of their lives. Well class is going well, I got 2 100% and I missed 1 on the other test. I've also been working on the floor at the nursing home. I have already falling in love with a couple of the residents. How can you not fall in love with these poor old people ( oops I'm talking about myself) I just see it now, Me walking down the halls, with my cane, helping a resident to walk down to the dining room. I just hope that I can change my own briefs instead of needing someone to help me, it would be the blind leading the blind. Well my house is falling apart and the it needs a good cleaning, but it will have to wait till I finish classes. Well how is your care giving going. We are all in this together. Keep on caring.

Love the one your with

I am so tired, I can't believe it. How do others do this? I have worked 16 hour days for the last 5 days. I am going to be doing this for the next 4 weeks while I take the CNA class. I just hope that I can keep up. My husband has done the laundry and all of his own cooking ( poor guy) but it is nice to be supported in this new effort of mine. I guess I've changing my OCD to working. It could be worse ( and have been). I love taking care of my guys. They want to hold my hand when we watch t.v. and the one who can ,hugs me all the time. Of coarse the younger staff are having a problem with the way I care for these clients, they think I'm too soft,,mean, controlling, allowing too much, showing too much affection, not showing enough affection...... oh I think you get the picture. Some times the hardest part of being a caregiver is what everyone else feel about care giving. All I know is everyone needs to feel loved by someone so I feel since I can't show how much I love my family ( because we live so far apart) I'll show it to every one else. Reminds me of a song "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" I have been working in a specialty hospital that had a great stall, they let me know that they appreciated me being there and helping with the client. It's nice being apprecitated.